Love to Feel
Writer: Sarah Lindquist
Editor: Izzy Patrizio
Photo taken by Sarah Lindquist
It’s okay to care. It’s okay that something was a big deal to you. It’s okay to be upset about the way that someone treated you. Too often, we are made to feel like we must be infallible. If a person makes a snide comment at you, you just have to laugh it off. If you break up with a significant other, or even a friend, you only get to be upset for a short period of time, and then you have to get over it. It's the most human thing in the whole world to feel, and yet, we’re never supposed to show that.
I know I myself have fallen victim to this mentality more times than I wish to admit. I spent the better part of my sophomore year of high school making sure that everyone knew I didn’t care what they said about me, what they did to me, or that I cared about anything going on in my life. I was strong, and I never let anyone help me. No matter what facade I put up in public, the reality was that I did care. I cared a lot. It took a lot of time, and a lot of tough conversations for me to see that caring didn’t make me weak, it made me human.
For all of my “carers” out there, I hope you are able to take some time to reflect on all of the good that having these emotions has brought you. If you cared deeply about a friend, and were able to listen and support them through a tough time, know that they appreciated that more than they can even express. If you cared about a random stranger on the internet who beat cancer, know that your heart has always been in the right place. If you cared about something as small as a teacher complimenting your project, know that relishing in that is not being full of yourself, but being proud of what you have accomplished.
In the same realm of not caring, I have often felt like achievements were not something to be proud of, to care about, but something that I had to do. I never felt pride over what I had done, only relief. Getting into college wasn’t a moment of happiness, but a moment of liberation from the pressure of succeeding. Changing this mentality, slowly but surely, allowed me to be proud of myself, and be proud of others too. Letting myself feel the importance of what I was accomplishing also gave me a better appreciation of how others were feeling in those moments, and I became a better supporter for them as well.
When I was in the depths of my “not caring phase,” I wasn’t just shutting myself off from feeling hurt or upset, I was shutting myself off from feeling joy as well. Feelings make our life worth living. They motivate us, they challenge us, but at the end of the day, they make us who we are. Cry, laugh, feel frustrated, feel on top of the world, and most importantly, remember that caring isn’t hurting you, it’s transforming you.
